Thinkin of goin to church

I'm at a time, where i'm lost. And things dont feel ok and I think I need a change. My computer got wiped >.< But heres an awesome mason jennings song. I'd almost forgotten about him. As I'v almost done with alot of things. But that always seems to come with this town... Or just my stupid habits.... I'm looking forward to travel again this summer. Definatly going to focus alot more on the music aspect (writing/playing etc.). And this time I'm alot better prepared. What not to waste money on is quite evident hahah Saving has never been easy though. But thats one of those things I have to work on.

And now I think I really need to get ahold of my concious.... cause its always going and going the wrong direction... I try to be like "hey, this way, its gonna be ok..." but for some reason it still wanders... and always the wrong sorta direction...

Maybe I can find that balance I had when I was young by going back to the church..... Meybe I'll try it this Sunday....God..... It's been around 10 years.... possibly half my life... we'll just have to wait and see.

Tornado of soul

I'm kinda in a bit of a twisty-turney tornado of tug-of-wars with life now...
A few friends want me to move in with them, some want me to move across the country...
And if the question is: what do I want? Well I don't have an answer
All I know is I have to have a guitar wherever I go.


ya!this! is a excellent song. Kinda got me thinking about this stuff...then again...I'v been thinking about where I belong and stuff like that for a while now...and I am just confusing myself more and more...
Not even 20 and trying to be like "Wth have I done with my life" hahahah
I guess I'm sorta sick of not knowing/planning anything. Not setting goals or even trying for them when I do... Cause I never take anything "I" say seriously (i really mean "Cause.....anything "I" say to myself seriously" but I leave that in to remind people that no one is ever really sure of their thoughts and that change kinda has a stranglehold on alot of us, even as I write this now it has been almost 3 weeks since i first starte this idea...and no i havn't changed anything since...only added)





On a different sort of note....I'm getting more restless....like I want to be good at guitar now, so I can jam with my new friend Adam (Laz as he prefers, his last name is Lazlow) but he's got like 12 years under his belt so it dosn't work... but I try still...for a short period....Course his style of music is very different than mine, and he does record music like professionally...which kinda makes me jealous, but I can turn that jealousy into somthing positive...im sure i can use it to drive myself to learn as much as I can!...But now my friends...I'm ranting...so on to another topic...lest I go on all night about this... cause I can talk about music forever. ENOUGH.



OMG too many books! I have about 9 books here...that I have to read...and about 12 more in different series of books...I can't wait to get the time :)



I keep wantin to write songs...but I can't...cause I never have a notepad on me...and I'm usually doing somthing at the time...like working... I'll do it sometime...meybe after I learn that "have yourself a merry little christmas" but that'll take forever....*sigh*....



Booo...... for the entire duration of that what I was just writing...I really felt depressed.... and for some reason decided to bitch about things that I can only blame myself for....thats kinda

HAHA thats where i left off november 18th! and i havnt logged on since then....woow.... I'm about to post another... but I also just thought this would be good to post....cause i have 3 XD

4 NOW!! lol

just smile

for a while

i know you can

iv seen it on a profile

and after all

its not like your on trial


: )

Poem!!!!!cause i want to

I felt like making a poem this morning, so here it goes....





I open struggling eyes


Weighted, weary of lies





A cold bright-blue hue


Blankets my room


With a exciting chill


a walk now for a thrill


early rising out of gloom


tiptoe slow


to not bother you.





How amazing the angel's slumber


Through all nature, even thunder





I go on my own way


from one, to the next day


trying to keep those i love strong



with a swift pick and a melodic song





to be a ordinary hero



takes the knowing of when to let go



when to wait

when to feel, and show.

yay! lol i finished this on the bit of time i had befor work lol (on one of my days off XD)

hope everyones day is full of love and that they encourage unconditional love, for the existance of spontanious conditionless kind actions (even just a hug or smile) or love, encourages others to convey the same feelings and actions to others more frequently!

; )

peace and love!

Tragically Happening

So I'v been listening to the Tragically Hip a little more lately. And I can kinda relate to alot of thier songs, more than most. There are certain people I think of when I hear thier songs, certain memories sparked.



And in some strange recollective state I start to scrape at the re-painted walls of my inner skull, not to damage myself but to recognize, what was drawn on those walls...back in the day....



The Autumn leaves

That dance in the breeze

To my eyes are appeased

The missed oppertunity for planting seeds



And Lo the Autumn cold calls

Promising snow days, and fights with white balls

For now it rains, and wet leaves mark halls

Delivering a sign, things we love sometimes fall



What little or more could the story say

What we love most can want us away

I wont tread wet halls all day

For love is true happiness

And from my loves I wont stray







Uh....random poetic outburst...strange that dosn't usually happen.....*shrugs* I don't know where that came from or if it's any good. lol. But back to the nowhere your following me to....(I think it's somewhere in one of these locked rooms in my head...lets take a look see) Lately I have been tired.... really tired. It might be from the work... But I don't know....



Oh! random thought of the hour! how often does a pair of sunglasses your actually LIKE come around?? I find it impossible nowadays to find a pair that I actually like... fortunatly I have my John Lennon peace hippy shades lol....



Another random thought! I was thinking of going out on halloween as John Lennon's ghost!! What do you think :O



Uhm...thats all folks! I can't think of much more to spew on the page right now...cause my thoughts are all over the place and my fingers dont go at like857280569587 keys a minute....wooo! I think that second wind kicked in..... So much for being tired haha



Peace and Love

Yea! so...first blogspot! wooo!! kewl...so I worked today, when it was suppossed to be my only day off for a week or so lol. W/e I'm just a pizza boy :p it dosn't matter....until I'm stuck there for like 2 hours longer than im suppossed to be.....THEN THEY FEAR MY WRATH!!! *Lightning bolts shoot from fingertips, eyes and fire comes frothing from the mouth*.....(i wish lol....tho it might be dangerous t'would still be kewl!)
Lol. But not really... I'm too nice to display the wrath upon my co-workers...I save it for mah guitar and the songs i write that no one ever hears or sees ;)

Ya know, I'm too nice Period. heh...period period lol (Not like that!! pervert!(you'll notice I try to keep my mind out of the gutter most of the time) lol). It's kinda what alot of my friends tell me, but I don't think theres such a thing as TOO nice... people take nice the wrong way alot, sometimes as a sign of weakness, which sorta aggrivates me... then theres the people that take it as a sign of "interest" and of course many other ways of taking "it"...
Like honestly...why can't people just be nice to strangers without a second thought from either party or friend?? Like it shouldn't be weird and god forbid it's faar from "normal" or frequent, I know I usually handle my "nice-ness" like.... I don't look back when I "lend" money or pay for somthing, its a choice we all make weather to be nice and help someone or to go on like we didn't have a choice...
I believe theres AT LEAST 3 choices to EVERY situation, the first, is the "right" thing, the second is the "wrong" thing, and of course the third is "nothing". And I also believe in the fact that nothing is REALLY black and white, the grey is everywhere and once you look very closely at somthing there really isnt much of either black or white, its just different shades of grey....*shrugs* maybe im crazy! (I end alot of posts with that one lol) But apparently the doctors don't think so
So....I leave by saying be nicer to random people! regardless of race, gender, appearance, religion, or previous encounters with said random person.. and I will continue to do the same.

Peace and Love to all who care to read!